Miguelina

Staying in is in. I've never been hipper.

I was happily flipping through Vogue's September issue, what I like to call the Superbowl of fashion because it weighs about 60 lbs and 80% of it is ads - glorious, outrageous, beautiful fashion ads, when I came across an article about how So Very Chic it is to take it slow and cut down on social engagements. Instead of getting all dressed up to go to a fabulous party, the hip people are putting on their yoga pants to sit on the couch and watch TV or otherwise not be social.

I've never felt more in - or less guilty for being addicted to both Gossip Girl and Mad Men.

I have to take a moment here to acknowledge that my bashing Vogue seems to be turning into a monthly feature here (well, almost) - but I can't help it! I both love and loathe that magazine and will never let my subscription run out - having it arrive in my mailbox ever month, along with Vanity Fair and Martha Stewart Living (I wish I was kidding) makes me unnaturally happy - plus it's all research for work, right? At least that's what I tell my husband, and our accountant agrees with me.

Where was I? Yes, the Slow Life movement is a trend I heartily endorse, because I'm so good at it. Slow Food and Slow everything will eventually be the American Way - you heard it here first. Now go take a nap. It's the latest thing.

Bullied for speaking Spanish

This is wrong on so many levels:

Let me make one thing clear: I have ZERO tolerance for bullies. It's entirely possible that the child in question is talking badly about other kids, and yes, it's possible that he's doing it in Spanish so that the victims don't understand.

That makes him both a bully and a coward (and let's face it, ALL bullies are ultimately cowards) and I believe that he must be disciplined. But is banning Spanish the way to do it?

Of course not. That's wrong and offensive. Spanish isn't the problem - I'm willing to bet that at this very moment there are kids at that very school texting nasty things about each other, passing mean notes and spreading rumors on the internet. Should the school also ban paper and cell phones because kids are saying things about other kids behind their backs?

OF COURSE NOT.

Paper and pens aren't  the problem. Language isn't the problem. BEHAVIOR is the problem.

What about the other kids at the school that aren't bullies but who have the skills to speak other languages? What then?

Do you agree with the English-only lawyer that said, "they don't have to be there"? EXCUSE ME - They don't "have" to be at school? Where should they be instead?

When will people stop picking on us? Maybe we'll have to wait until 2028. Until then, I'll continue to speak whatever language I damn well please, wherever I want to.

That's what I get for digging into those dark corners

As I was making an omelet for the boy's lunch (I'd like to take a moment to thank the genius Trader Joe's buyer that decided to stock cubed pancetta - THANK YOU!) I spilled some of the raw egg/cheese/bacon bit mixture into that crevice between the stove and the kitchen counter. And a new obsession was born.

Because, ew? Just the thought of that raw egg sticking to the wall and just sitting there being raw and salmonella-y  is enough to make me lose sleep. I'm not exaggerating.

So I immediately grab this thing (the fact that I own a crevice duster should tell you a bit about how serious I am about this) and start to try get in there and wipe away. Of course, the microfiber was soaked immediately, which was gross, but also the entire point of this exercise, so I threw the microfiber in the wash and switched to moist paper towels.

It took about half a roll, but my efforts were not for naught, because eventually the wet towels were coming out relatively eggless.  I was feeling better about the whole incident (and the kids were probably starving because I couldn't continue cooking until I got all the egg out) until I pulled out a big fat live SPIDER. From that dark crevice between the stove and the kitchen counter that I was just telling you about.

I almost fainted. It even had a bulging appendage. That's never a good thing to find on insects, but on a spider that was living in my kitchen and now had raw egg to feast on? NOT GOOD.

So how's YOUR Monday going?

Edelweiss...Edelweiss...

Happy cow at a national park in Styria. Or was it lower Austria? In any case, it was singing and prancing about joyously. It's good to be a cow in Austria.

We just got back from Austria.

Are you sick of hearing about it? Of course you are! I'm sick of hearing about it. But here I am, four days after the trip has ended, and I'm completely stuck. I haven't unpacked, I haven't started working at my new job (another story for another day), I have yet to make plans to see my friends. I'm not sure that the reason I'm so inert is my not blogging about the trip, but it makes for a convenient excuse to procrastinate the whole getting-on-with-real-life part of returning from vacation.

So here it goes, the 2008 version of a vacation slide show:

We stumbled upon a real-live-for-serious-not-at-all-ironic dirndl and lederhosen fashion show. Awesome.

My husband will absolutely kill me for saying this, but a lot of Austria is exactly like The Sound of Music - green and lush and filled with people proudly wearing their lederhosen and dirndl - usually at village festivals (we went to a couple of them, one in Schoenberg and the apricot festival - marillenfest - in Krems.) I think this is beyond awesome and proudly dressed my oldest in the lederhosen his grandparents sent to him whenever the weather was warm enough - he fit right in. (Note to my fellow Americans: Traditional dress is cool, but not in Vienna. FYI.)

Why are Austrian weeds so damn pretty? All we get is crabgrass. (Grazing horses, Bad Tatzmannsdorf)

It's a country full of contrasts: You find religious imagery everywhere - in the country, where farmers erect crucifixes and statues of saints so that their crops will be abundant, in tunnels to protect travelers, in forests:

We stumbled upon this beautiful crucifix while visiting the Graselhohle, but then you're just as likely to stumble into a sex shop at the most odd (at least to a Bostonian) places, like oh, let's say right next to the duty-free shop at the airport:

Mmmmkay. Moving on...

I loved so many things about this trip. I loved that we stayed at a guesthouse run by nuns, who were kind and gave us homemade bread and warm milk to help the kids sleep, but whose guestrooms had tiny little tvs with access to porn channels (are you noticing a trend?), I loved that my kids got to play in a castle with the kids that actually live there. (We also got a private tour, but the kids were much more interested in jumping on the trampoline in the courtyard than in the amazing history of the place.)

Bust most of all? I loved Vienna.

No surprise there. Everybody does. In my opinion it's the most romantic and manageable of the world capitals, and absolutely everything is done on a grand scale here; from coffeehouses:

Cafe Central, 1st district - It certainly put Dunkin' Donuts to shame.

to changing tables:

Hotel Sacher. Leather, velvet, wood and gold tassels. All so you can wipe baby butt in imperial style.

It's my kind of town - even if the Viennese are natural-born complainers. I'm not badmouthing anyone here - they're proud of their curmudgery and will tell you themselves. For instance, try telling them that their city is amazingly beautiful, and they'll tell you that it's old and you're not allowed to build anything new. Tell them you like the food, "Bof!" they'll say, "it's always the same!" My advice to future travelers is to not take this negativity personally. It's truly part of their charm. One you have dinner with a group of Viennese you will understand why Sigmund Freud couldn't have existed in a different city.

(By the way, the Freud Museum in the 9th district is a must see. The sight of the waiting room and Freud's own personal stuff was pretty amazing. To think of all the neurosis that brewed there! Did I ever mention that I'm a dork?)

In any case, we go to Vienna pretty often because we want to visit family, so I make it a point to do something new and embarrasingly touristy (at least to my husband) every visit. This time I said that "the boys" (ahem) really, really wanted to ride in those pretty horse-drawn carriages.

"You mean a fiacre? Like the gullible tourists do?"

"Yes."

"You know, sometimes the horses go crazy. Once a Japanese tourist was injured, almost mortally."

"So? We drive in Boston. I can take it."

So off we went and found the most adorable black and white carriage pulled by a pair of horses I called "the Kennedys" (Jack and John) and driven by the sweetest girl named Isabela.

Here they are:

And here are some of the many wonderful sights we saw -

My imaginary Viennese apartment:

Grand balconies:

And then just repeat this scene 167 times. You get the idea.

The one truly cultural thing we did was catch an exhibit called "Bad Painting, Good Art." With a name like that, how could we not? It was hilarious:

And just awful:

And sometimes? It was actually pretty good:

"You see that?" I said to my three-year old. "If you don't work hard at all on your art, someday your paintings could be displayed in a grand museum, just like these!"

Now, I made sure I didn't put too much pressure on him. I wouldn't want him to end up with some "Freudian" issues. He is half-Viennese after all.

Goodbye Austria! Thanks for all the Gruner Veltliner!

Back in Boston

Hello!

We're finally back, and I have tons to tell you about our trip. I wasn't able to write while away (obviously) Internet cafes are non-existent in Austria as are "free" WiFi signals, but I made do by twittering a few things on which I promise to expand on.

In the meantime, we're working on recovering from jet lag (I beg of you, do not ask me about yesterday. Or the flight home. Hell hath no fury like two exhausted babies. I'm forever scared and won't be going to Europe until the kids are teenagers. MARK MY WORDS.) so my brain has turned to mush. Which of course means that I just HAD to check YouTube instead of tackling email or being otherwise productive, and it was a good thing I did, because it now has video recommendations and what it recommends for me is eye-opening to say the least:

Seriously folks, they couldn't be more on target. YouTube gets me.